WIFE LIFE

Why I Wish Everyone Would Stop Asking When I’m Having Kids

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When you get married, a lot of people ask you, “When are you having kids?” That question comes time and time again. I eventually formed a response, “Whenever God sees fit or whenever God gives me one.” I hoped that would shut people up, but it was the usual suspects that would ask and even more people. Eventually after time goes by, people begin to ask “Do you want children?” or “Are you even trying?” It’s frustrating and insensitive. It’s very insensitive actually, because you never know what people are going through.

Don't consistently ask couples when they're having kids, because you never know their situation. Click To Tweet

My husband and I have been married for over two years now and you can only imagine how many times that we’ve been asked these questions. I can think of at least 50-75 times this year alone (and that’s no exaggeration). Little did those individuals know, we wanted children not long after our wedding, but weren’t “actively” trying. Little did they know, I’d been off birth control nine months before my wedding, to give my body a head start and get the birth control out of my system by the time we wanted to try. Little did they know, my heart broke a bit every time they asked that question.

My sorority sisters would often play the “guess who’s next game”, especially when we knew one of our sisters had a baby on the way. With me being one of the first in my age group to get married, more often than not, people would say I’m up next. I’d play along, but then someone else constantly would come before me. Eventually I quit playing or wouldn’t respond, because this had become more difficult than we had expected. My gut told me something was wrong, but I couldn’t get it figured out.

I’ve spent the past two years switching doctors, being misdiagnosed and being treated for issues that had nothing to do with why I wasn’t pregnant. This was frustrating because although we didn’t feel rushed to have children, the fact that it hadn’t happened was a bit concerning. Being put off by doctors was even more frustrating. Many would tell me “oh you have time” or “you’re still young”. While that’s true, I rather know if something was wrong sooner than later. Many people would often insert their opinion when the kid’s conversation would come up. They’d say, “wait until you’re 30”, “you have time” or “you’re so young”. I hated it because I didn’t feel that it was anyone’s business and didn’t really want their opinion.

This summer everything changed. My husband and I went to a fertility doctor and were officially diagnosed with infertility. It was a relief to finally get a concrete explanation, but a sense of sadness that naturally comes with that diagnosis. However, we are still on a journey to become parents, it will just take a few extra steps. Tomorrow I have surgery to remove over 10 fibroids and endometriosis—both common causes of infertility and the pain I’ve been in for years.

This is obviously a personal topic and an emotional one; and many may wonder why I’m sharing this. I am a firm believer that God puts us on different journeys with various trials for multiple reasons including to overcome, learn a lesson and fulfill some purpose. There are so many women and men who struggle with infertility silently—and it’s sad and unnecessary. I hope that as I share this journey in multiple ways that I help someone else not feel alone in their journey and encourage couples who may be having difficulty getting pregnant to check it out. Because you are never “too young” and you don’t always have “plenty of time”.

Many women & men struggle with infertility silently and they shouldn't have to. Click To Tweet

Feel free to share your story or encouraging words below, and please keep me in your prayers for speedy recovery from my surgery.

Thanks for reading.

9 Comments

  1. Erin

    August 25, 2016 at 1:44 am

    I can relate to everything you said. It is a very lonely journey if you don’t share you story. I go back and forth about who, where and why I should share it. I will be praying for you. Peace and love to you and your husband. ❤️

  2. Lynn

    August 25, 2016 at 2:10 am

    You got this! I’ve been through fibroid removal surgery. Had 4 large ones, which could have been a reason for the loss of my first child. Had the surgery and another one not related to the fibroids and now I am the mother of a beautiful little girl. God’s timing is always right, so just trust it. The birth of my daughter is my biggest testimony.

  3. Joycelyn Taylor

    August 25, 2016 at 3:40 am

    I pray that your baby, or babies, come the way God intends and that your surgery is a success with zero complications, in His son, Jesus’ name. Amen.

  4. Angelica

    August 25, 2016 at 3:48 am

    I am touched by your story, but I am here to tell you God has the final say! A very close friend of mine was having the same issues as you and she also had to remove an ovary. Physicians everywhere told her she would never be pregnant and this year she is expecting a boy! Jesus will be a fence around you and your husband always. Remain a steadfast prayer warrior even when your knees are weak. I love you and be strong throughout all this; I will be praying for you!

  5. Krystle Denny

    August 25, 2016 at 10:48 am

    I am dealing with this same issue right now. I have a couple of fibroids that has been considered to not be an issue in me getting pregnant. But we are battling everyday to understand why I havent gotten pregnant. It can be devastating and very depressing. My prayers are with you. This struggle is a faith builder.

  6. Brittany

    August 26, 2016 at 12:40 pm

    It’s such a warm but bittersweet feeling when I find someone I can relate to… I was diagnosed with endometriosis and cysts on my ovaries in 2008. I encountered many “no” answers, medications, surgeries, the lost goes on and on but the worse ever is “You will never be able to bear a child of your own” that ripped thru my heart like a knife… I have been admitted to hospitals for this condition… I never gave up faith… I had surgery in May of 2014, I knew if I had this surgery,AGAIN, it would increase my chances of pregnancy… I was scared, depressed, angry etc. I thought to myself, there are unfit parents, parents who didn’t even want their children etc etc but here I am doing all the right things, I felt punished… At the end of the day know YOUR body and have faith…. I am now a mother of a beautiful smart loving little girl who will be two on Monday…. it gets worse before it gets easier, since I have had her I have had a lot of pain etc but I fight thru it for her…. I will pray for you and if you need anyone to talk to that can relate let me know, thanks so much for sharing and GOOD LUCK.

  7. A Flower in the Wild

    October 19, 2016 at 4:48 pm

    We love your blog so much and support all that you do! So much so that we’ve featured you on our 100 Millennial Lifestyle Bloggers of Color list! Thank you for all you do! – fromawildflower.com

    1. aishaherring

      October 19, 2016 at 7:07 pm

      Wow! Thanks so much, I’m honored!

  8. Tiffany

    January 16, 2017 at 4:45 pm

    Aisha you are in my thoughts and prayers! I can relate to your struggle as I was diagnosed with infertility in my mid 20’s before getting married. My now husband and I went on to conceive via FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) and my son came into this world at 25 weeks. But, God’s hand of healing kept him, strengthen him, and he’s now a happy, healthy 4 year old. I shared all of that to say that God will certainly give you the gift of motherhood. Regardless of what is trying to hinder your fertility, know that NOTHING is impossible for God, and He will bless your womb! Your road to motherhood may look different from another’s; however, it’ll all be so worth it when you hold and look at your little miracle. Baby blessings to you!

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